Choosing the Right Mate

By Debbie Goff
January 10, 2000

Two questions on a serious topic: Can you name three people you know who have been divorced? Out of these three, how many are Apostolic? Personally, I can’t help but think of the two Apostolic couples who worked closely together in leadership at their local church. Sadly, the wife of one ran off with the husband of the other.

It is still shocking to realize that divorce has permeated the lives of numerous Apostolic families. In a society where the divorce rate soars, engaged couples do not have to enter marriage hoping that somehow they can beat the odds. Instead, they can face their marital future with an assurance that it will be fulfilling and long-lasting, provided they are willing to allow God to choose their mate with them.

It sounds simple, yet I have encountered countless young people who make the single most important decision of their life—the choice of a mate—without serious heavenly consultation! Case in point: recently, my husband and I went out to eat with an engaged couple. The conversation went something like this: "So, you two are to be married in June. We are
curious, can you give us three reasons how you knew each other was God’s perfect choice for you?" The young man responded eagerly, "Yes! First, I always knew I would marry a girl whose name began with an ‘M’ and well, her name is Mary. Second,..." The young woman couldn’t even come up with one reason. Granted, most couples can provide us with more thoughtful responses, however, disappointingly, they are often, equally lacking in spiritual content. Is it any wonder these marriages fail?

An astute single can make an informed choice of a life partner by earnestly seeking and accepting the answers to the following questions:

What does God think?

The Bible is God’s Guide Book. To determine if each is "marriage material," both partners should evaluate themselves, and each other, in the light of scripture.

• According to the Word of God, the future husband should be a good provider. He should "tend and keep the garden" (Genesis 2:15) as the first husband did. A young man should have a stable job and a history of managing his money well, to insure financial security for his future bride.
• Jesus later emulated Adam’s obvious servant leadership when, for example he partook in footwashing with his disciples. Christ’s example is the basis for the instruction given to husbands: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:25) Certainly, this leaves no room for abuse or tyranny directed toward a wife. Girls, pay close attention to how your young man presides over younger siblings, children, and pets because that is a good indication of how he will govern you!

• Scripture also tells us that the future wife should be a "a helpmeet" (Genesis 2:18), a comforter (Genesis 24:67), and an encourager (Proverbs 31:26). Clearly, a wife should be committed to the calling that God has placed on her husband. She should be submissive to his servant leadership, and she should be willing to make their home a place of refuge and encouragement. Guys, carefully observe how your young lady reacts to the instructions of her parents, pastor or employer, for that is how she will respond to your headship!

Another excellent "scripture check" is to read I Corinthians 13 aloud and replace the word "charity" with the marriage candidate’s name. If, the candidate truly reflects these characteristics they will make someone an exceptional spouse! But, a more realistic goal might be to make sure that (more times than not), your fiancée puts others before themselves.

Additionally, concerted prayer and fasting will help any couple to be sensitive to the unction of the Holy Spirit, thereby allowing them to "hear" clearly what God thinks.

What do my Parents think?

God’s Guidebook also opines: "Obey those who have rule over you for they watch for your souls..." (Hebrews 13:17) Your parents were chosen to be the first "watchers of your soul." They have spent a lifetime caring for you. Be sure to honor them by seeking their counsel when making such an important decision. Whether you like it or not, the majority of the time, mom and dad are on target. If your parents disagree with who you have chosen to spend your life with, do all you can to listen to their concerns, honestly evaluate what they have to say, and then take it to the Lord in prayer. My mother, who is not an Apostolic, was vehemently against my engagement to Buddy. We did our best to honor her, and, although she still had some reservations, she gave us her blessing. (We have been married for 15 years and my mother now says Buddy is the best thing that ever happened to me.) If your choice is truly God’s choice, He will help smooth over any rough spots.

What does my Pastor think?

Another truth: "...recognize those who ...are over you in the Lord and admonish you...." (I Thessalonians 5:12) The Nelson Study Bible elaborates, "These leaders possess the Lord’s authority. God places them in a position to admonish or instruct believers." In other words, a
young couple who has their pastor’s blessing should see it as an added confirmation. Likewise, a pastor’s disapproval should be a sounding alarm! I have a friend who married against her pastor’s (and parent’s) wishes. She has now spent 15 years in a devastating marriage full of abuse and heartache.

My guess is those three divorced couples you named did not sufficiently examine what God, their parents, and pastor thought before they said, "I do." Of course, answering these three little questions does not guarantee marital bliss, however, it goes a long way toward making sure
your fiance is a shared choice between you, your parents, pastor and your God.

ninetyandnine.com

Article © Debbie Goff, 2000
--------

Debbie Goff is a recruiter for a national firm, a home school teacher, and coach for the Addison (IL) Bible Quiz Team. A committed vegetarian, Debbie can frequently be found force feeding carrots to her friends.

contact information:   
Please let us know your opinion by giving feedback on an article or the site.
general information: general@ninetyandnine.com
copyright © 2005 www.ninetyandnine.com