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Kneepads, Felt, and 911: An Insider’s View of the Puppet MinistryBy
Stuart D. Kent This is the day, you may be saying to yourself, that I will begin a new and exciting ministry. Before you shave your head, don a long orange robe, and dance about in airports, clanging away on a tambourine while handing out Oneness tracts, let me suggest to you an alternative¾the puppet ministry. This ministry allows you to act as silly as you want while hiding behind curtains. Kids will love you. Senior citizens will hug you. Your orthopedic surgeon will prosper from you. So let’s get started… First
of all, you will need only two items to launch off into the colorful and
exciting world of puppet ministry. You
will need forty yards of black cloth and about $10,000.
See, it’s easy! With the cloth you’ll have adequate curtains. With the
money, you can flip through puppet catalogs and order for all the puppets and
supplies your little heart desires. There
are people in Third World countries slaving away as we speak, sewing together
little pieces of leftover felt cloth to make puppets for you, earning as much in
one day as the average McDonald’s employee in America makes in one hour.
Wait a minute, you say, I can make my own puppets and save money. Yes, that is true, you can make your own puppets, which, if you have the same sewing skills that I have, will look like felt-covered roadkill. You will probably do better to order some puppets, and with a budget of ten thousand bucks, you should be able to order at least five or six. If you decide to go to a puppet ministry seminar hosted by the same people who send out catalogs, you may need to apply for a second mortgage on your house. But puppet people are friendly folk, eager to get you started in your divine efforts to be a puppeteer. Now, let’s try a short exercise to see if you have the grit it takes to work with puppets. When I say, “Go,” hold up your hand until I say “Stop!” Okay, 1,2,3…go! That’s right, get that right hand all the way up, straight over your head, just for five easy minutes, about the time an average puppet music soundtrack lasts. Hmmm, now “talk” your fingers up and down as though you already have a puppet. Hey! Five minutes aren’t up yet! Get that hand back up! What? It hurts?! Only three minutes left. All right…now stop! Your time’s up, and it sounds like you are becoming more spiritual already (I hope that rustling noise was your heavy study Bible closing)! Okay,
so you passed the test and have decided to become involved in the puppet
ministry. You will now need to put
aside a little money for a giant economy size bottle of Ibuprofen and a heating
pad. Pain is central to puppet
ministry, whether scuffling along on the floor on your knees, or holding up one
or two puppets for what will seem like hours at a time.
Pain is inevitable. In fact,
your pastor may want to institute puppet ministry as a form of punishment for
the young people in your church.
Pastor: All right, you young people!
I said, Let’s praise God! After a year passes by, and you have completed 10 or more puppet performances, you will say to yourself, “I’m pretty sure I am backslidden.” You aren’t. In reality, you are just feeling unappreciated since you won’t get a chance to watch the children and their guests rolling on the floor with laughter or crying true tears of repentance during performances. You will be bumping into other puppet team members headfirst while crawling around behind curtains. However, puppets can touch a child like nothing else. Animate a few pieces of felt and buttons with your hand and voice, and you can touch a little boy or girl’s heart forever. That’s powerful¾and worth all of the pain, expense, and time. Well, what are you waiting for? Get some money! Buy some cloth! Recruit some youth! Don’t forget the kneepads and how to dial 911 for emergencies! On with the show! “With
men these things are impossible, but with you, God, all things are possible.”
(Matthew 19:26 NKJV) ninetyandnine.com ã 2000, Stuart D. Kent --------- Stuart D. Kent is a puppeteer in Macon, Georgia. He is part of the Truth Troupe puppet ministry team, now in its fifth year of existence. He has never slung hash at McDonald’s, ever. Have an opinion on an article? Let us know how you feel! Click feedback & fill us in. |
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