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| Beauty or Ashes? A Pentecostal Perspective on DatingBy Cara Baker and Jessica Leopold It was late Thursday night. Months of research, studying and note-taking had gone into this moment. Time to write out my high school senior year research paper. Hours later, after writing, rewriting, editing and more rewriting, I hit save. The program crashed. All was lost. Many tears followed. You’ve been there. And it probably took losing four or five precious important documents over the years to program your brain to “save and save often.” It’s my motto. (I just saved this document. Again.) On a grander scale, the feelings of loss and frustration are not unlike what you experience in romantic relationships turned sour. In varied amounts, you pour time, money and emotional energy into building a relationship. You invest into another person and you grow to care deeply about him or her. Then one day, the relationship you constructed carefully, brick by brick, is now a heap of rubble. That person you’re used to giving to and sharing with is gone. It’s over. It’s his or her fault. Maybe it’s partly your fault. Maybe it’s all your fault. It doesn’t matter¾it hurts. Bad. The damage is done and you’re left with emotional scars and nothing to do on Friday nights. If only relationships were as simple to maintain as hitting Control + S on the keyboard of life. There is no question that breaking up is hard to do, whether you’re the one splitting or the one being split. Which is why Mr. I Kissed Dating Goodbye had some valid points in suggesting that single people avoid dating situations. But for those who are still smitten by romantic interludes and find ourselves living in the world of tummy-butterflies and googly-eyes, we have to learn Joshua Harris’ lessons the hard way. The stages of dating have the potential to be an emotional roller coaster. The initial uncertainty of one another’s feelings is exciting. After mutual interest is established, you slowly develop candid honesty and trust. It’s an unforgettable process. Several months in, after holding hands feels natural and of course you’re going to be together this weekend, the crossroads looms. What sort of commitment am I willing to make? Am I ready for thoughts of marriage? Do I really want to invest more time, money and energy into this person? Some of these questions—and more—cause you to make a choice. And sometimes the decision is unfavorable to one or both parties. Sure you’ve been there, nursing the emotional scars from a relationship that burned to the ground. And while you are sitting on the pile of ashes, the Lord is more than able to change the situation into beauty, but you have to be willing to let Him. The objective of this series is to make you aware of the possible beauty and the potential ashes in every stage of dating. How then do you prevent the barrage of emotional trauma that follows a break-up? How can you keep God in your relationships and your break-ups? How do you keep your relationships pleasing to the Lord and away from being spiritually distracting? These are questions worth asking, so we’ve decided to compile what we have learned for ninetyandnine.com. We’ll cover the search for Mr./Mrs. Right, dating blunders, deciphering break-up code, and ways to get revenge—I mean, healthy ways to deal with the break-up. Hopefully by the end of this series you will acknowledge the need to be objective in your romantic pursuits. And perhaps you will realize that the Lord wants to turn your ashes into beauty. If you’d like to share your war stories or success stories and contribute to this series, email us. Next week: The Search for Your Soul Mate
ninetyandnine.com © 2002 Cara Baker, Jessica Leopold ------ |
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