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Print By Leann Guzman My husband is going back to school and is taking a lot of basic courses. This means that he is taking a lot of science classes. This further means he has a lot of things to tell me about said science classes that are sometimes interesting, but mostly make my eyes glaze over. This eye-glazing happens especially when it changes from his telling me a fascinating tidbit of knowledge to his suddenly studying out loud by quoting everything he knows about a particular subject. I should stop here and mention that I avoided science classes like the plague in college, and to meet my science requirement I took an easy, fluffy course called "Physical Science" that touched on all the various sciences so that we never had to get into depth in any of them. So, the other night, while lying in bed just before going to sleep, I said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you something that happened today at work. Remind me to tell you tomorrow." He replied, very enthusiastically, "Yeah, and I forgot to tell you something about the endocrine system." I froze, my eyes like a deer in the headlights, even though it was dark in the room. Oh no, I do not want to hear about the endocrine system. Briefly, I considered making a deal with him that I wouldn't tell him about work if he wouldn't tell me about the endocrine system. But my story was really interesting, and so I didn't want to make that deal. As lightheartedly as I could, to make it sound like a joke, I said, "I'm not so sure I want to hear about the endocrine system." To which he replied, "No, you do! It's really cool!" Hmmmm, I seriously doubt that. Well, it got me to thinking that if he told the truth he would probably be just as bored by my work story as I would be by the endocrine system. But this is part of what makes a marriage successful, when you can be patient and sit through stories that you otherwise wouldn't care about, and act interested. Sometimes, when you’re forcing yourself to listen to something you’re normally not interested in, you may hear some information that tells you something about your spouse that you didn’t know. For example, if I tuned out my husband every time he talked about football (I currently am doing much better and am only tuning him out about half the time football comes up), I would never know that while he enjoys the game itself, what he’s really interested in is the stuff that makes up the business of the game off the field. In one of our recent marriage classes, we discussed how important understanding is to having good communication in a relationship. Without understanding your spouse, you run the very high risk of misinterpreting what he or she means, or miscommunicating because the two of you are not actually talking about the same issue. When understanding is in the picture, the two of you can communicate much more fully and efficiently, and areas for conflict are diminished. Proverbs has a few things to say about those with understanding. For example, “In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found” (Proverbs 10:13b); “…A man of understanding holdeth his peace” (Proverbs 11:12a); “Good understanding giveth favour” (Proverbs 13:15a); “Understanding is a wellspring of life unto him that hath it” (Proverbs 16:22a). Imagine how much your relationship with your spouse would improve or remain healthy if the two of you had wisdom, if both of you held your peace, if you had favor with each other, and if your relationship had a wellspring of life infused into it. And all that can come from being a good listener. And, sometimes, while you’re being a good listener, it may happen that you actually become interested. Sometime I'll have to write about what I learned last semester about the central nervous system. Trust me, you'll want to read about it. It's really cool! ninetyandnine.com © 2006, Leann Guzman ------- Leann Guzman is ninetyandnine.com’s “Family / Work Issues” columnist. If you have suggestions on topics to explore, email her at Family@ninetyandnine.com.
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