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Sustained!
Submitting to God with a Bad Attitude Is Not Submission
at All
By Leann Guzman
March 6, 2006
Crying to Do What I Want To Do
After attending a church friend’s baby shower a few weeks ago, I went home and
cried most of the night because out of about 10 mothers who attended, I was the
only working mother.
It’s not the first time I’ve cried because I
don’t stay home. I’ve cried when my daughter has cried in the mornings when I
leave her at day care. I’ve cried after hearing women say they would never let
someone else raise their child. I’ve cried after hearing women say they quit
work because they couldn’t work and
be a good wife and mother. I’ve cried after being told it’s not God’s will for
me to be a working mother. And, I’ve cried after being told it’s God’s will for
me to be a working mother.
To recap, I’ve cried a lot.
The attitude I’ve had about being a working
mother has been horrible, and after this baby shower I began to realize how
awful it is and I’m working (pun intended) hard to change it.
Bad Attitudes Create Bad Perception
I firmly believe that all of us in my little family are where we are supposed to
be and that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. And while I’ve
always felt that way, I’ve also resented it. Because I believe it’s God’s will
for me to do what I do and that’s the only reason I do it, I’ve sat like a
petulant child in the corner, pouting that I’m not getting my way to stay home
with my child. I’ve felt stuck, like there’s no other choice for me. And this
attitude colors my perceptions of my world.
When a stay-at-home mom at church whom I
don’t know well asked if I worked or was at home, I launched into a long speech
about how I work, but I don’t actually want to, and I only do it because I have
to, and that I wished I could stay home, and I have this job where I make less
money than I could other places but the job lets me work less hours, so it’s
actually better, and on and on and on I babbled. Yeah, she didn’t seem to care
much past just wondering what I was doing these days. Yet it mattered to me
that she knew this wasn’t “my choice.”
When my daughter wakes up at night calling
for me (not because she’s scared or anything, just because she wakes up), I’ve
told myself that it’s because she misses me during the day when I’m not there
and it’s all my fault. Then, the other day, when I told a
stay-at-home-mom-friend that my daughter has been waking up at night calling me,
she said her daughter has been going through a similar stage. It’s embarrassing
to say that I was actually a little shocked that this is a normal thing, and
it’s not something I’m perpetrating on my daughter to cause her to wake up at
night. It sounds stupid writing it down, but that’s the way I felt.
My perception that this place that God has
me is a horrible place has influenced all my experiences with my daughter and
with others.
“Yes, But…”
Finally, after this baby shower, my husband told me that if I was happy with
where I am and what I do, then I wouldn’t get so upset by just the mere fact of
being the only working mother at a baby shower.
After he said that I told him I’m not
happy having to work. He replied that he thought that we both believed that
this was God’s will for our family. I thought back over the circumstances that
were so clearly orchestrated by God that made me take a job after having our
daughter. And I thought to myself, yes, I believe it’s His will, but….
Then, upon hearing myself think those words,
“Yes, but…,” I realized I wasn’t in submission to God. There is no place for
the word “but” when it comes to submitting to Him. The revelation came to me
that if I truly believed I was following the will of God by doing what I do,
then I should start acting like it.
I should stop apologizing to people when I
tell them what I do. I should stop being easily offended by people’s offhanded
remarks. I should stop feeling stuck. Because I do
have a choice. I could quit my job and stay at home, but it would be against
God’s will for me.
Blessed to Be in His Will
And if I remove myself from the protection that comes with submitting to His
will, I would be doing my daughter a much bigger disservice than taking her to
day care will ever do to her. And so, my choice is to follow His will, and
that’s the right choice. And my attitude should reflect that I am privileged
and blessed enough to be serving my King by doing what He wants me to do.
So, if you catch me sounding apologetic
about being a working mother, or sounding guilty, or complaining, please correct
me. I’m tired of living trapped, not by my status as a working mother, but by
my own bad attitude that keeps me from true submission to Him.
What About You?
This column has been about my bad attitude about God’s will for me in the area
of working versus staying at home. But the concept of fighting God’s will by
having a bad attitude applies to everyone. What are you fighting God about? Do
you feel stuck in a situation that isn’t of your doing? Do you hate where He
has you right now?
God is sovereign, and everything that
happens in our lives is first sifted through His hands. He has allowed you and
me to be where we are for a reason. If we (I include myself in this) stop
fighting Him and truly submit ourselves, attitude and all, to His plan, then He
could actually use us for what He intended in the place where He has us now.
Imagine how awesome that would be!
ninetyandnine.com
© 2006, Leann Guzman
-------
Leann Guzman
is ninetyandnine.com’s “Family / Work Issues” columnist. If you have
suggestions on topics to explore, email her at
Family@ninetyandnine.com.
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