Sharing Holiday Joy for the Grieving

December 17, 2007

By Carol Clemans 
 

We've trimmed the tree, put up the lights, and the candles are aglow on the fireplace mantel. Thanksgiving has zoomed by and we are fast-forwarding toward Christmas.  
 

Many have warm fuzzy feelings about the holiday season.  It would be wonderful if everyone could have a loving, joyful, and happy time during this time; however, sometimes grief dampens the joyfulness. 
 

Grief is experiencing loss, and none of us are exempt: 
 

• There is the loss of a loved one through sickness and death. Both of my parents are with the Lord.  My father died 18 years ago at age 84 and my mother died this past March at 92.

 
 

• There are financial losses that drastically change life.

 
 

• Divorce creates broken relationships and painful hearts.

 
 

• Children may be estranged from the Lord.

 
 

• Perhaps the holidays bring back painful memories of an abusive childhood.

 
 

Yet, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, anniversaries and Easter all keep coming year after year. Life brings grief and pain, and it does not disappear for these special days. In fact, holidays seem to intensify the feeling of loss. 
 

I recently had lunch with a widow of only a few weeks. Her husband had died at age 58 after having battled a disease for several years. I did not know her well, but I reached out to her in a new friendship and asked her to share their life's story with me. Earlier this year, I met a young widow with small children whose husband was killed in a tree trimming accident; she is without financial support for the future. I know people who are suffering through serious illnesses today. Yet Christmas will be here soon.   
 

The questions confront all of us: What do we do? How do we deal with our own grief or loss?  How can we help others?  
 

Remember: We show our love through action, not just words. We need to share with each other our feelings and our tears, reaching out with love. Talk about the loved one, even to the children. They need to know it's all right to cry when they feel sad.  
 

• At the holiday time, start some new traditions. Make a memorial time for your loved one. Yes, we will cry, but everyone should have permission to laugh, too. My father always read the Christmas story from Luke before we opened gifts, and he carved the turkey before dinner. When he was no longer with us, we passed the traditions on to other family members. We cried and laughed in sharing our memories about him.

 
 

• Journaling to the Lord has been a wonderful release for me in dealing with my own grief issues. God knows my feelings, but it seems to ease the pain when I write it down and actively share with the Lord.  He is the greatest Counselor.

 
 

• If you do not have grief in your life, make a special effort to reach out to those hurting around you. There are no magic words. Just say, “I do not know how you feel, but I'm praying for you. Come and join our family.” Please do not say, “I know how you feel.”  Unless you have gone through the same experience under the exact same circumstances, you do not know how they feel.

 
 

• Invite the hurting for lunch or dinner.  Allow them to talk about the loss. Be a good listener.

 
 

• Invite the family to your home to share the holiday dinner.

 
 

• Take a casserole to the family who is caring for a sick family member. 

 
 

• Take some gifts for the children to the young widow.

 
 

Then Comes January

After the holiday, the pain of the hurting person continues. Remember to call and say, “I'm thinking about you. How are you doing?” If the grief is from a death, be sure to continue to call, visit, or send cards of encouragement after the funeral.  The raw grief and pain gradually eases over many months and years, but your continual reaching out in love will always be appreciated. 
 

Let's be active in loving one another. Look for the grieving person and be a light in their darkness during the holidays and throughout the year.  Someday it could be you needing the comfort and love. God did say we would reap what we sow.

      

ninetyandnine.com 
 

© 2007, Carol Clemans 
 

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Carol Clemans is a certified pastoral counselor/Bible teacher providing a ministry for Pastor Dan Batchelor in Dupo, IL. Carol teaches seminars for spiritual, emotional and relational growth in churches nationwide. She provides confidential counseling in the St. Louis area and phone counseling.