Sexuality in the Church
Part IV: Pornography and Homosexuality
By Carol P. Clemans, Certified Pastoral Counselor
April 13, 2009
Pornography (Sexual Addiction)
In the past two years, calls for counseling to receive help
from pornography addiction have increased greatly. Several pastors have told me that they feel many men in
their churches are viewing pornography. Focus on the Family says that approximately 60% of
American pastors themselves view or are addicted to pornography. It is a pervasive danger.
The experts say that pornography is the most destructive
addiction, above any drug that is available. Porn degrades and devalues women,
making them objects instead of real people. It creates a false expectation as
to how the average woman looks and performs sexually. For some to become
addicted to porn, it will take only one 20-minute exposure. Many men became
addicted in their childhood when they discovered someone’s porn magazine. Now
the Internet delivers it into the privacy of a home or even the pastor’s
office.
Someone who spends time viewing porn usually begins to act
out on self and destroys his/her ability to have healthy emotional
relationships with those close to them. Porn addiction destroys marriages. The
addiction can lead to self-exposing to others. It can lead to sexual abuse,
fornication, and adultery. The
images, especially when viewed while having “sex with self,” are branded or
implanted on the visual part of the brain. There is a chemically-induced high
that takes place in the brain. The images then invade the person’s thoughts
almost constantly. They do not even need to view new porn to be driven to act
out. The desire for this chemical high (self-induced drug addiction) becomes
greater and greater.
One young man became addicted to same-sex porn at 11 years of
age through viewing it on the computer. At age 19, while still living at home,
he called a stranger and invited him into his parents’ home when they were at
work and had his first same-sex experience. After being caught, he then called
another person and met this total stranger in a hotel room for sex. Because of
the strength of the addiction, he never considered his personal safety or his
family’s personal boundaries.
Help for the Addicted
The American Association of Christian Counselors (aacc.net)
has a DVD counseling course on Sexual Addiction Recovery. I’ve completed this course and I recommend
pastors to purchase and share with their church.
Because we are sexual beings, sexual addiction recovery is a
life-long process. Everyone I’ve counseled tells me that the temptation is as
close as a thought, or closing the eyes and seeing all the images implanted in
the brain. There has to be a deep-down commitment and determination that this
sexual addiction will no longer control personal actions. A total repentance and turnaround in
conduct and every area of life must take place. There has to be someone to whom
the person is accountable and a total openness regarding conduct. There should
be personal discipline, as well as committing to a renewed relationship with
God at a much deeper level. A steady diet of the Word of God, prayer, and
receiving Bible-based counseling, as well as cultivating strong spiritual
friends, are all a part of the recovery process that effects a transformation
by the renewing of the mind.
Drastic changes need to be made in the routine that leads to
viewing pornography. The addicted person may have to get rid of a computer or
have it available only when someone else is in the room for accountability. A
cell phone can be a culprit, or even driving a certain route to work. Make a
covenant with your eyes--why should I look upon porn? Remember, “Does not He (GOD) see my ways, and count all
my steps?” (Job 31:4).
I’ve challenged counselees about the time they have spent
with their sexual addiction per day. Some have shared they viewed pornography
up to four or more hours per day. I know if they put that same time and effort
into the recovery process they will maintain victory over sinful thoughts and
actions.
Recommended reading:
Homosexuality
This is a touchy subject in the church. I know from my
counseling experience that many people sitting on our pews have these
tendencies and are scared to death to reveal the struggle they have.
Unfortunately, the church seems to make some sins to be greater than others. We
seem to fear homosexuality. We as helpers need to become as educated as
possible from a Christian perspective. There is not one underlying cause for
these tendencies. As shared above, same-sex porn caused a 19-year-old to make
sinful decisions to have this sexual experience. That does not make him a
homosexual. Because of his eight years of viewing the same-sex porn, he is
mentally addicted to that thought pattern and desires to experience it.
Unhealthy same-sex parenting, sexual abuse in childhood, and
addiction to pornography are a few of the reasons some experts feel that
creates the desire for the homosexual lifestyle. I’ve been told, “It’s not
about sex,” meaning it’s the feeling of being understood emotionally. I’ve also
been told it was strictly by choice to find enjoyment in other activities with
those of similar interests. The bottom line is that acting out as a homosexual
is the sexual sin.
Recovery from Homosexuality
The first step to healing and recovery is to stop acting out
in the sexual sin. If there is an attraction to the opposite sex, this does not
give a believer permission to be actively gay. I’ve told more than one person,
“We must have air, food and water to remain alive, but we do not have to have
sex.”
With any sexual sin or addiction, the missing link is that
God is not the center of the person’s life and there are emotional wounds that
need healing. These are some of the reasons that the sexual sin or addiction
started in the first place. There is usually a major distortion of the person’s
thinking about their life’s experiences. They go to the crutch – sexual
sin – instead of the Cross.
We do not just live with the facts of our lives, but we live
with our own interpretation about those facts. The healing process happens when
a person looks at the facts of his/her life through God’s interpretation. Negative
self-thoughts are usually a major hurdle to overcome. If there was sexual abuse
or unhealthy parenting in childhood, the negative, degrading self-talk (fed by
Satan) has probably been active for many years. It takes the Word of God
– “precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a
little, and there a little” (Isaiah 28:10) – applied with love, mercy,
and compassion to the person who feels condemned to bring about hope for
change.
Focus on the Family has a program called Love Won Out that offers a great resource
for people struggling with homosexuality or for those who want to help someone
in this area. We all need knowledge from a Biblical basis to help heal, restore,
and create an atmosphere of safety for those struggling with same-sex
attraction.
ninetyandnine.com
© 2009, Carol Clemans
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Carol Clemans is a certified pastoral counselor and provided this
ministry for Pastor Kenneth Haney for 10 years at Christian Life Center.
Presently she provides a teaching and counseling
ministry to churches nationwide.
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