December 20, 2004 - Sustained! Smooth Sailing: A Holiday Guide to Handling Your Non-Christian Family

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Sustained!
Smooth Sailing: A Holiday Guide to Handling Your Non-Christian Family
By Leann Guzman
December 20, 2004

The Apostolic movement is full of people who are third, fourth, or fifth generation Apostolic. My family is not like that. When I was growing up, my parents were the only Apostolics in our entire extended family. When my parents converted, my grandparents, aunts and uncles watched as my parents completely changed their lives and began to dress and act differently. With some family members it didn’t go over so well and my parents were treated differently at times because of the decisions they made in serving the Lord.

Over the years, things have changed. My parents handled their family’s disdain for their spiritual experience with grace and dignity, and now we are the ones to whom all of them turn when they need someone to pray. Our pastor has become their pastor, particularly in my father’s family.

It took years for my parents to successfully change the way their families viewed them. Chances are, if you are not a member of one of those multi-generational Apostolic families, you, too, will be faced with familial situations that challenge your convictions or that push you to compromise your beliefs. With the holiday season in full swing, the opportunity to be in these difficult situations dramatically increases.

The following is a list of tips that are compiled from a lifetime of watching my parents gracefully traverse this difficult road, and from learning to tread on the ground myself with my husband’s family. Hopefully, it will serve as a guide to you during this Christmas to help reduce your stress and to encourage you to reach out to your family despite any reservations they have toward you and your religious beliefs.

1. DON’T argue about the Word. People are not listening to your argument so much as thinking very hard how to prove you wrong, so no one is going to be convinced to change his mind. Family gatherings are neither the place nor the time for arguing about religious beliefs. This topic is one of the most passionate and personal of issues, and the negative emotions that crop up by arguing about it with loved ones are not what you want to model for them. Some people are relentless in trying to bait you or to get a reaction out of you. Don’t fall for it; try to find a way to laugh it off and move on to another topic.

2. DO let the Holy Ghost guide you. If someone approaches you with genuine questions about the Word, or if a window opens for you to reach out to someone, follow the Holy Ghost’s unction and reach out to that person with love.

3. DON’T be judgmental. One complaint that is often registered about Apostolics is that we are judgmental. Do not let that statement be true about the way you act toward your family. Treat them with the love and respect that God’s Word tells us to give to them.

4. DO let your light shine. Try to find some way to show the love of Jesus toward at least one family member by going out of your way to provide a need that you see. For example, if he or she is in a financial bind and you are in a position to help, do so without ever expecting repayment. Be Jesus’ hands to your family. Do this year-round and you will begin to win your family’s respect.

5. DON’T compromise. This temptation is one of the most difficult for me personally. I have no problem with confrontation in the courtroom, but put me in a room full of relatives who have known me since I was in diapers, and I suddenly lose the ability to speak up. But compromising on what we see as small things are just as bad in God’s eyes as full-blown rebellion. If He has placed a conviction in your heart about something, it is rebellious to tell Him that just this once you aren’t going to follow what He’s asked you to do. Don’t compromise; it’s not worth it.

6. DO protect your children. This one is new for me, since my child is just now old enough to be aware of her surroundings. While I can’t protect her from everything, I can limit her exposure to certain things. For example, if inappropriate shows or movies are on TV and I can’t control what’s on or whether it’s on, I can make sure she plays somewhere besides the TV room. My parents would always do damage control after we left my grandparents’ house, telling me, “We don’t say words like that and we just need to pray for them that they’ll start going to church.” If you teach your children right from wrong at home, they will recognize sinful behavior when they see it at Grandma’s, and, like I did, they’ll probably invite them to church a lot. Grandparents seem to accept the invitation as less hostile or judgmental when it comes from their grandkids.

7. Finally, DON’T forget what Christmas is all about. We take this time of the year to celebrate that Jesus came to Earth for us. Don’t let that get lost in all the hustle and bustle of family activities. Celebrate Him!

ninetyandnine.com

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Leann Guzman is ninetyandnine.com’s new “Family / Work Issues” columnist. If you have suggestions on topics to explore, email her at Family@ninetyandnine.com. Leeann is wife to Jonathan and mother to Olivia, and she lives and goes to church in North Texas. She is a licensed attorney who works as a municipal court prosecutor. Although fluent in English and Legalese, the meaning of the term “spare time” escapes her.